How was 'letting your head go' and dropping into the body to find the answers?
It was delicious, magnificent, perfect, effortless, awesome, fun, inspiring and transformative. And sweaty, of course.
My notes from yesterday:
In a dance, start by embodying your shadows… the opposites of what you think you should be… In my case it was: the slut, the whore, the nomad, the needy woman, the nutcase…
Don’t just ‘accept’ it, be it - embody it - play with it, and love it.
My perceived ’problem’ used to be constant closing off, opening up, then closing off, and again… Am I a fickle butterfly? Indecisive? Split??
Let’s play the game playfully. Closing off isn't necessarily a bad thing if I have fun with it, if I play it long enough, get bored, thus start opening up to a new attitude, perception, way of looking at things…
Soften into your confusion - acknowledge your sloppiness…
be friendly with it.
Today, the last day of the workshop, I started a little activated… My driver (a fellow dancer, Rick) arrived later than we agreed upon, so I was worried we wouldn’t get to the event on time, and thus disappoint the facilitator..
Off the record- when my clients arrive late - I don’t like it, but I can understand it. When they arrive super early, 10 minutes plus, I somehow perceive it just as rude as being late and unannounced.
I was out, living my life, but I said, mhm, ok, let me catch a cab….
Then I, amateur, gave her also an extra hour FREE OF CHARGE.
Ok. My fault. I’m just a life coach junior …
Rick and I managed to miraculously arrive right on time. The time we were told the previous night… but the overall thing started 30 minutes late anyway! (just as always).
What did I discover today?
LOVE DOESN’T NEED TO COME FROM JUST ONE SOURCE. IF YOU WISH IT TO COME ONLY FROM ONE SOURCE, PLEASE DON’T MAKE IT A HUMAN BEING.
I love that spontaneous realization. Oftentimes, when we feel unloved, lonely, misunderstood, or we feel our lovers don’t feel the same about us, we latch onto them, trying to 'change their minds', squeeze out more love, but love is really all around us… there was so much love on the dance floor today!
I started loving hugs…. The random hugs from random people. Some hugs are so frickin’ supercharged. Luckily, we are able to choose to let only love in…
I used to pick up on people’s shit, and soak it up like a sponge… but I don’t do that anymore. The resolution was a conscious choice. A respectful one, but definitely one reflecting my new, higher level of self-love and self-respect. I have boundaries: I am here to support - but I am not here to “carry your shit”.
God is my infinite source of love and wisdom. I want to ground myself there, and not feel hungry for human unconditional love. It exists - but it’s not the only source, and it needs to be given the space to roam free….
Regarding the clarity for my next ventures, studies and relationships… ugh. Tough cookie. The confusion is gone, or rather the negative emotion due to the perceived confusion by the story I invented... so, I am waiting for CLARITY to step in. (Overnight, please??)