Yes, my late twenties have been spent feeling quite alone - but not lonely.
Whereas the start of my twenties had a theme of loneliness, I was rarely alone. It proves that one can feel lonely even while constantly surrounded by people - sharing flats, going to school, having a bar job etc. Now I consider myself an artistic lone wolf, preferring to recharge in the sanctuary of the apartment that I rent, alone. When working, the moment my clients leave, I am alone, I feel accomplished, and I love it! I live alone, I travel alone and I socialize so sporadically - by choice. I found my tribe at Yoga and dance classes - no place to feel lonely, then I escape back into my every night's aloneness.
Some days, I need to fill in a section "Emergency Contact" on forms for various establishments and I think to myself.... hmmm, who could come and "save" me if I unexpectedly passed out? if I needed help? What if something happened to me at home? What if I collapsed during hot yoga or - somewhere ?
My parents are overseas, so is my sister, my longest best friends are away too, and Christine is quite old and has probably enough of health worries; Definitely no local boyfriend who wouldn't have his hands full.. Clients, maybe?
Nope, I'm alone.
While still reikiing my spleen, the latest crush, D., came to my mind. I began sending him unconditional love and acceptance. Everything is alright. He had his hands full, no time to spare to hang out with a girl, worrying about her past jealousy issues possibly manifesting in the future, no time to tell about his travel plans... it would be too much of a burden. Whatever had happened to him in the past that has compelled him to write me such a shit text, he is not yet healed from. Maybe one day he'll see that the assumptions he described in that text where not even about me, but rather about the world which demanded his full attention and where he felt misunderstood.
Well, till the time of his awakening comes, I can only wish him all the best and send as much love as he needs, for he withholds his from others.
Hey, we've all been there!
Who would have thought back then that couple of weeks later we'd make out again! It then turned into a pretty rough sex, so today I wrote about D's penile insensitivity. The good news is that healing of body armour can be done through Tantra. The bad news is that egoistic men will never ask.