Sunday, June 4, 2017

Saying NO to 'free' sex

I had an opportunity to go on a short trip with J. It was not only tempting to see another city in Australia but, of course, to see J’s body again and let him explore mine.
Since he came back we've only seen each other for occasional lunch dates. No sex.

That boy has everything.

He has good looks, he’s smart and a lotta fun… then he comes home to his beautiful family that he decided to fight for... 

Till today he reminds me that my wisdom and selfless understanding inspired him to it!  
Only J can be committed to his family while still trying to tempt me under his hot body in such an innocent manner that one cannot be mad at him, judge or blame him!! 

Being out of denial ever since ‘the out of sight out of mind’ long business trip of his, where I reconnected with what I really desired, I can clearly see that coming onto this trip with him would have only killed me.

It would add to his “everything” the extra icing on the cake in the form of an amazing free sex with a crazy vixen (as I am).

Thank God I can see how much I’ve learned from my past life and how much I’ve grown.

Sex shouldn’t be given freely if the inevitable payoff is feeling worse than before the act happened. Yes, I would enjoy having him fuck my brains out for 2 days, no doubt... I would even lose weight as I know I get a suppressed appetite when I'm giddy ...and then?

Then I would spend 2 weeks getting over the fact that it was just 2 days, and the side effects of coming back down to Earth include depression, alcohol and sugar cravings, and blindness towards happier romantic opportunities. I know all that by now and finally I behave appropriately to my own wisdom!

This is a warning to those in similar situations - don’t think you must be a slave to your body. Your body has intelligence of its own - and that is perfectly fine - use it for diagnosing your aches and pains as possible psychosomatic symptoms of your unprocessed emotions.  

If the body just lay there and received a physical pleasure, it would enjoy it - no need to feel guilty as the body is meant to enjoy it! What I’m trying to demonstrate is that the body will not put itself on a plane, fly itself into your lover’s bed and spread its legs without you making the decision to do it. *

So decide otherwise, if you know that the consequences are not in alignment with your highest aspirations. In my case - being abandoned shortly after the trip - is not at all my happiest vision for myself!

Also… my endless escaping…. maybe I’m finally learning to stay. Even when my mind frequently wonders to Bali (where I experienced some powerful healing in the past), and lately it goes back to the Czech Republic, where life could be so easy for me, somehow I know that THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH.  Maybe I must stick around here, where it hurts, and resolve the messy, unfinished business around dating once and for all.

Side note:
I've gone to the church tonight after a long absence. It's heart-warming to be part of a community that works on recognizing when the ego steps in!
Selfless, concerned about others, humble and grateful is the way to happiness.


* Regarding the intelligence of your body and making conscious decisions:
If you were taken advantage of - it was not your decision to make. If the body responded - that was completely human and natural. The way I see it, the person who took advantage of you should have been prosecuted or shown a conscious way to treat human beings.
A very sensitive topic.




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