Saturday, July 22, 2017

Sleeping and wishing #sex #love

Sleeping with J is very healing...
Sure, he's not 'the one' I was looking for (and I still hope the wish for a husband material is still out there in the Universe*), nevertheless, it is what I deserve - especially after the 'experiment' I recently conducted with someone, who could not have been right for me in a million years.
Yes, I can enjoy sex no strings attached -IF- there are feelings AND a complete transparency. There was neither.
Anyway, I should thank D. for trying... to be someone he weren't, so we both explored the other side of the coin.
Was it all so bad, rough and loveless? I'm not going to condemn everything that had led up to the act and disrespect what I had wanted that night - There must have been something quite right if I decided to peel off my jeans (-let him peel them). I just don't recall what exactly, even when I was totally sober. 
Perhaps a curiosity or longing for a connection?
I disliked his sex-technique with me, that's all. It diminished my libido for couple of weeks after - and I don't like when that happens.
Thanks to J I am back on. I admit he's probably the best lover I've ever had, and the fact that he's not 'mine' makes the amazing intimacy we share easier to handle.

*If I were to wish for 'the one', I better believe in romantic love first... I firmly believe in unconditional love though.
No matter what other people do or say, love them...



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