The urge to voice my truth and the extraordinariness of the past has become unbearable. I am aware that whatever I have done, and what I’m doing by writing this secret out can have an impact on many people. The ones who knew me as a saint, might cringe, the ones who have always known me as a sinner, will nod and smile, and the ones who have yet to meet me, may they be healed and empowered by my boldness to share my story. I wish for others to live fearlessly to make their own lives more authentic, rich and blissful than they've ever imagined possible.
I know that not everybody will like me, and that’s ok, because I like me. And I am sure I would like you too.
In March 2017, I’m going to celebrate one year of staying true to my new calling. This new calling is to be real and honest with people, to care about them, and heal them with my lessons learned, my hands, my energy, my love, and respect towards their individual journeys.
My previous calling was healing people through my privates (yes, my vagina) and the vital life force, which I didn’t know how to conserve and control at times, so I frequently burnt out.
The trouble wasn’t as much with the nature of my work as with the stigma surrounding it that brought about feelings of guilt, inadequacy, punishment, unworthiness, and occasional self-loathing.
I had led a double life as I felt obliged to sacrifice my family ties, my social life and romantic relationships to that higher calling of working as a prostitute (dancer, escort, call girl, whore).
In spite of the social agreement that prostitution is dirty and unacceptable coming between me and everything else, I led quite a purposeful life for the most part of the era.
Especially in the latter years when I cut down on the drinking and I attuned to my heart and the hearts of my clients more. The transformation was a long and a scary process, but today I love every single bit of that past. I learned to love myself and my own company, thus I'm naturally grateful for all that has led to this moment.
Let’s clear two common misconceptions before I go further.
For example, they always shower before and after sex and always, always insist on using a protection. In the places I formerly worked, there was a "No exchange of body fluids" policy - you know what that means.
Sex workers have to get tested at least every 3 months. I had always known I was clean, but seeing that in black & white was a necessity for my peace of mind. Do the young 'party sluts' out there bother with all that?
The second most common stigma is that prostitutes are uneducated. Yes, there are some. The same goes for some sales people in shops. Similarly, like some of your nut-headed colleagues, or the uneducated rich people about whom you have always wondered how could they've been so lucky to get themselves on top without any degree?
We no longer live in the middle ages. We can freely decide whether we want to study and strive to become successful by the number of diplomas we collect, or not study and be happy on a farm, or happy in a chairman position due to hard work, smart networking, good luck, or by prostituting ourselves. What lies behind a person’s success is their individual journey and their amount of SELF-ESTEEM.
I am not yet where I want to be, but I feel I succeeded in many areas and right now I feel happy with the way things are going.
Having gotten out of it, why do I still advocate that working in the sex industry in the West is a job - and most importantly a choice which should be respected without hasty prior judgment?
- To be clear, I don't wish upon anyone to fall into that profession unconsciously and to be unhappy there. I was miserable towards the end. Now I hope to lead women out of it if they are ready! -
Why do I feel as though prostitutes are deserving of the same rights as other employees and citizens?
I think the answers are self-explanatory. Prostitutes are human beings, additionally; they harm no one by what they do - but themselves if they don't do it with their emotional and physical wellbeing in mind.
Sex will be always on demand, and people with enough money will always want to execute their power further beyond their corporate 'empire'. It is for this dynamic that prostitution has started thousands years ago, continues, and it's going to stay in some form or another.
There are other questions surrounding this line of work. Like - and I get asked that all the time - can prostitutes still enjoy free sex with partners outside of work?
Burnouts are useful warning signs to re-center and come back to loving ourselves a tad more than everybody else. Their lengths vary, but same goes for other jobs.
Whenenever I succumbed to depression or anxiety in my hideout in the past, I knew it was due to: 1. Lying to the ones I loved; 2. Working at nights, drinking and sleeping too little; 3. Saying "yes" when I wanted to say "no".
I struggled to see who I was. One day I'd enjoy my work and feel so grateful for my mental and physical stamina to be able to do it, then the next day I didn't wanna see, hear, or smell anyone near me.
I couldn't live with or without my work, yet I couldn't appreciate myself for neither. Anything I did or didn't do just wasn't good enough for me. It wasn't about the job, the people, or my upbringing... It was about me and my day to day beliefs and actions based on my belief choices.
Additionally, I feel qualified in many areas outside of the bedroom too. I am a kind humanitarian, good at marketing and communication, and I learned to relate to people without an official counseling degree (working on that one).
Beside other ideas, I would love to empower women to embrace their sexuality and their life decisions.
If I'm not a paid whore anymore, and I do not want to go back to it, then the most relevant questions right now are:
Who do I choose to become next? And how can I help those who are stuck where they don't belong?